Feelings

Them feels.

Cried myself to sleep last night. It was the only way I could get a good nights rest. After about fifteen - twenty minutes of sobbing, I sat upright on the bed staring at my curtains blankly. For a short moment, I was numb. It felt good. In comparison to what I was and STILL feeling, numb is okay. I let the music played all night and my study lamp turned on as I was afraid to sleep in the dark and in silence.

I was showering half way when I broke into tears once again. I was thinking about how we used to text each other good night messages. I'm so tired of all this crying and all this emotions running through my body. I thought breaking up will solve all the problems once and for all. Why is it that I'm still tied down?

This is day two of having second thoughts about the break up. I really want to see her. I want to talk to her. I want to kiss her. I want to feel her body next to mine. I'm refraining myself from doing silly things. Do I want to see her because I love her? Or is it me desperately trying to fill in the void inside of me?

I thought I was better. I was telling myself the whole of yesterday morning that I was feeling better. That everything make sense.

I was never better.