Them feels.
Cried myself to sleep last night. It was the only way I could get a good nights rest. After about fifteen - twenty minutes of sobbing, I sat upright on the bed staring at my curtains blankly. For a short moment, I was numb. It felt good. In comparison to what I was and STILL feeling, numb is okay. I let the music played all night and my study lamp turned on as I was afraid to sleep in the dark and in silence.
I was showering half way when I broke into tears once again. I was thinking about how we used to text each other good night messages. I'm so tired of all this crying and all this emotions running through my body. I thought breaking up will solve all the problems once and for all. Why is it that I'm still tied down?
This is day two of having second thoughts about the break up. I really want to see her. I want to talk to her. I want to kiss her. I want to feel her body next to mine. I'm refraining myself from doing silly things. Do I want to see her because I love her? Or is it me desperately trying to fill in the void inside of me?
I thought I was better. I was telling myself the whole of yesterday morning that I was feeling better. That everything make sense.
I was never better.
Monday, 10 November 2014
Break up
Tough times are here.
Beautiful lights. As I'm seated on a wooden chair by the balcony, beautiful lights can be observed. It's so peaceful. I can feel the air kissing my half naked body. Breathing in fresh air and thinking how things could be different.
Life is sad, life is funny. Life tends to push you to the limit if you let it. As for me, like always. I don't understand life anymore. We broke up. Yes, after one year and nine months, we finally said goodbyes. It was hard. Who ever say that break up was easy? We both cried. We both wanted to make this work so bad that we both were drained physically and emotionally. We were very tired. I can tell that she doesn't want to do mini time outs anymore as it keeps her hanging by the thread, not knowing what to do.
I cried in front of her, feeling extreme sadness and guilt. I was unfair to her. I did something bad and I admitted it. Not the proudest moment.
I thought I was going to be the first one to make it out alive but I thought wrong as I found myself having flashbacks. I underestimated her and overestimated myself. We are still talking - we both wanted to remain as friends. From the little I know, she seems to be handling this way better than I am. I kept on worrying about how she's going to cope with this break up and how long will she take to get over us. I was so wrong. As I am the one having trouble coping with the break up.
This evening, I passed by Grand Millennium hotel in the heart of KL and in an instant, I had flashbacks of us spending the night together celebrating her birthday nearly two years ago, Right after that, wave after wave of emotions hit me. Together, it brought memories of the times we spent together; eating, shopping, clubbing.
It's been only eleven days since we last saw each other and I find myself regretting my decision even though deep down, I know it was the right thing to do. Can time really heal the wounds? That's what Google kept telling me.
Cherish the people you love. Be honest to people you care about. Finally, be true to yourself.
Jim
P/S: This blog will see some minor changes in the near future as my priority in life changes. This blog is very personal to me and as I grow to be a better person, this blog too will grow with me. I have always been bad with writing and so I will use this blog as a platform to improve my writing.
Beautiful lights. As I'm seated on a wooden chair by the balcony, beautiful lights can be observed. It's so peaceful. I can feel the air kissing my half naked body. Breathing in fresh air and thinking how things could be different.
Life is sad, life is funny. Life tends to push you to the limit if you let it. As for me, like always. I don't understand life anymore. We broke up. Yes, after one year and nine months, we finally said goodbyes. It was hard. Who ever say that break up was easy? We both cried. We both wanted to make this work so bad that we both were drained physically and emotionally. We were very tired. I can tell that she doesn't want to do mini time outs anymore as it keeps her hanging by the thread, not knowing what to do.
I cried in front of her, feeling extreme sadness and guilt. I was unfair to her. I did something bad and I admitted it. Not the proudest moment.
I thought I was going to be the first one to make it out alive but I thought wrong as I found myself having flashbacks. I underestimated her and overestimated myself. We are still talking - we both wanted to remain as friends. From the little I know, she seems to be handling this way better than I am. I kept on worrying about how she's going to cope with this break up and how long will she take to get over us. I was so wrong. As I am the one having trouble coping with the break up.
This evening, I passed by Grand Millennium hotel in the heart of KL and in an instant, I had flashbacks of us spending the night together celebrating her birthday nearly two years ago, Right after that, wave after wave of emotions hit me. Together, it brought memories of the times we spent together; eating, shopping, clubbing.
It's been only eleven days since we last saw each other and I find myself regretting my decision even though deep down, I know it was the right thing to do. Can time really heal the wounds? That's what Google kept telling me.
Cherish the people you love. Be honest to people you care about. Finally, be true to yourself.
Jim
P/S: This blog will see some minor changes in the near future as my priority in life changes. This blog is very personal to me and as I grow to be a better person, this blog too will grow with me. I have always been bad with writing and so I will use this blog as a platform to improve my writing.
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