I'm so tired, mentally and emotionally. I always felt like giving up, but at the same time I have this ego in me that prevents me from becoming a douche-bag! I have been on the journey of becoming a better person, trying my very best to improve every aspect of my life. I have never been more proud of myself, I have never been so persistent in my life that I consciously putting in effort to improve my being for 365 days, never!! My attention span is pretty short and to put so much effort and to persevere for a year is astonishing even to me. I dare say I surprised myself.
Of course the outcome is sweet after one year, look at me now, I look healthy, I speak more calmly than ever before, more confident in my body language, more aware of myself and not afraid to take a beating any more. I'm a big pussy when it comes to fight and pain so I took the challenge and faced my fear, I took MMA classes and now I'm in love with the sport, been into it for 7 months now and still going strong, been hurt twice in the ribs and yet I still came back for it. It's a big credit to Johnny Wolf and J.T Tran. "To be the man of her dreams, first you have TO BE the man of her dreams!"
Now here's the dilemma, I'm still a sucker in dating!!!
So fucking frustrated. YES! I'm blaming myself, who else could I blame right, I mean I know for myself one of the reason for not getting the result is because I'm not approaching!!!!
I'm actually feeling the anger right now while I'm typing this shit.
I honestly HATE to say that I haven't done enough, I mean I took lessons in dance, improv class, martial arts, read books and more and that took energy, time, money, blood and tears!!! for a year!!!!
But why does it have to come down to that fucking approach
I hate the dating industry in a way because they took advantage of vulnerable men!
I wouldn't say I was one of them but i know I wasn't happy with how the bootcamp was run
I'm not a difficult person to be around with but sometimes I feel people just want to fuck around with me, For example, my tattoo artist, this guy, I tried to be a good customer, compromising, and im the one who has to accommodate him, to be fair it should be the other way around. I'm serious person when it comes to serious matter, and to showed him i was serious, i paid my deposit and stuff and now still in the process of getting the art work done, I don't know man, is it me or what
It has been a tough few weeks for me and I'm felt sorry for myself for not getting the results that I want even after all this effort and I'm sorry that you have to read it -if anyone is reading at all-
Since last year, I have never believed in hope, hope is for fools waiting for miracles to happen.
But now I hope things would be better in the future
