It's been 5 months since I'm back in Malaysia. It wasn't easy, with all this changes in lifestyle and me going back to school now. Yes, I'm finally doing my degree at the ripe age of 25. Psychology YO!!
In terms of pickup, it has definitely slowed down a lot. Me being a lazy ass person, I just need that kick from people once in awhile to get me moving. I've become friends with one of the guys from The Lounge, so it's all good, he's super awesome and really cool and chill, kind of good for me coz I can be over the moon sometimes, he just helps calm me down once in a while.
You know I can be very self-conscious sometimes and very critical about myself generally. I've come to realised that this ego thing is still big on me. I've realised this for a long time now but just didn't want to admit it but I do have a very big ego, like I want to prove something to people and they have to know how awesome I am. I'm kinda like going back to square one. I thought after my stint abroad and going through some tough times, you figured that you got your shit handled but in my case, it's not like that. This just made me realised that self improvement is an ongoing process, you can never just stop because you are already good. It's just like muscle, you need to train them so they continue looking super buff and once you stop training them, it will become a vegetable, very much like pick up and very much like in self improvement scenarios.
I tend to say too much, sometimes too much info, trying tell people I've done this and I've done that. But really, what the fuck have I done? Starting from now I just need to be aware every time I talk to someone, just to say enough and not give out too much info. Maybe it's just me being overly critical of myself but I sometimes feel when I'm talking, I'm bragging as well. For instance when pick up topic comes up, or girls or relationship, somehow I thought I was a fucking Guru and start to talk about stuff related to it. REALLY???? This is so fucking lame that I fucking hate myself.
I've met this girl in a bar 2 weeks ago, she's 27 and a law graduate. assuming that everything she told me is 90% true, she's quite right about her point of view in life, as much as I feel that she can be a bitch sometimes but there's a side of her that's really attractive, she have a very solid opinion about what life is all about and she got her shit handled and i find that very attractive in her. There are stuffs that she mentioned that I kind of reflected upon. For instance, I always say that I don't care, I don't give a shit about what is going to happen in the future or 5 minutes after that, I'm outcome independent but in her words if I keep saying this to myself and everyone around me, that means you care, you still gives a shit and you still worry about what people say behind your back, you're Hippocratic.... well she didn't say that, but you get what I mean. I think that is really true, the day when you really don't have to say shit to justify yourself and your actions, is the day you really don't give a fuck any more and you don't even have to tell people that, they can feel it, sense it in you. And you know you've just become a BOSS!
Anyway, this is just a rant or shall I say a reminder for myself not to be egoistic and continue to improve myself everyday.
Be Safe
